One of the reasons I decided on this 250 SF

studio apartment was the direct view to the 

observatory, top floor, facing north,

UNOBSTRUCTED VIEW OF 

MOUNTAINS AND MONUMENTS.

I could deal with the noise, sketchy neighbors, litter,

and the halfway house a block away from me.

I WAS SIX MONTHS SOBER.

Shortly after the move

"I ALMOST WENT OUT"... twice.

Once with a small group of unfriendly girls

sharing a joint at a Super Bowl party,

and the other time on cough syrup, with CODEINE,

as I gathered the strength to break up with my then 

boyfriend on Valentine's Day.

 

Instead, I stayed sober. I'm not sure why.

I DID THE WORK.

 

In that tiny, shitty, unsafe apartment,

I felt more connected, confident, and happier

than I ever thought possible.

 

Looking up at the observatory I liked to think about the

slow but CONSTANT EXPANSION OF THE UNIVERSE 

and how small we are in comparison, and that somehow

I was expanding too.

 

A different energy seemed to flow through me.

I felt it. I really felt it.

I felt light.

I felt free.  

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