One of the reasons I decided on this 250 SF
studio apartment was the direct view to the
observatory, top floor, facing north,
UNOBSTRUCTED VIEW OF
MOUNTAINS AND MONUMENTS.
I could deal with the noise, sketchy neighbors, litter,
and the halfway house a block away from me.
I WAS SIX MONTHS SOBER.
Shortly after the move
"I ALMOST WENT OUT"... twice.
Once with a small group of unfriendly girls
sharing a joint at a Super Bowl party,
and the other time on cough syrup, with CODEINE,
as I gathered the strength to break up with my then
boyfriend on Valentine's Day.
Instead, I stayed sober. I'm not sure why.
I DID THE WORK.
In that tiny, shitty, unsafe apartment,
I felt more connected, confident, and happier
than I ever thought possible.
Looking up at the observatory I liked to think about the
slow but CONSTANT EXPANSION OF THE UNIVERSE
and how small we are in comparison, and that somehow
I was expanding too.
A different energy seemed to flow through me.
I felt it. I really felt it.
I felt light.
I felt free.